My child is the Bully!

In today's fast-paced digital world, screens have become an integral part of everyday life, especially for high school students. With technology now deeply embedded in education, communication, and entertainment, it is easy to overlook the potential consequences of excessive screen time. For adolescents, screens serve a crucial role in learning, as many educational tools and resources are available online. However, the same devices that support them on their educational journey also contribute to recreational screen time, such as social media, gaming, and streaming services, which can easily become distractions. As a psychologist and school counsellor, I often engage with students and parents who struggle to find a healthy balance between screen use and academic responsibilities. With the increasing reliance on technology for learning, the challenge of managing screen time has grown. The Impact of Excessive Screen Time Excessive screen use can have far-reaching consequences, affecting students' cognitive abilities, emotional well-being, and physical health. Academic Performance- Studies indicate that students spending more than four hours per day on non-educational screen activities tend to have lower grades. The lure of social media, gaming, and video streaming often leads to procrastination and multitasking, reducing focus and productivity. Many students attempt to complete homework while texting or watching videos, which decreases cognitive efficiency and retention of information. Mental Health Challenges- The connection between excessive screen time and mental health struggles is well-documented. A 2020 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that teenagers who spend significant time on social media are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. The pressure to maintain an ideal online persona, cyberbullying, and constant social comparison can contribute to lower self-esteem and heightened stress levels. Additionally, blue light exposure from screens can disrupt sleep cycles, leading to fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Physical Health Concerns- Beyond academic and emotional consequences, excessive screen time is also linked to sedentary behaviour, contributing to obesity, poor posture, and eye strain. Prolonged screen use can cause headaches, back pain, and digital eye strain, negatively affecting overall well-being. Establishing screen-free periods and incorporating physical activity into daily routines is therefore essential for counteracting these risks. The Role of Parents in Supporting Healthy Screen Habits Parents play a crucial role in helping their children develop balanced screen habits. Open communication and a supportive environment can encourage teens to make mindful choices about their screen use. Rather than imposing strict rules, collaborative discussions about the impact of screen time and its management foster better cooperation. Encouraging offline activities such as sports, reading, or creative hobbies can help students cultivate interests beyond screens. Parents can also set a positive example by managing their own screen use and prioritising family activities that do not involve digital devices. Here are some practical strategies for managing screen time: Create Screen-Free Zones and Times : Designating areas where screen use is restricted, such as bedrooms at night or the family dining table, promotes healthier habits. Implementing a no-screen rule at least an hour before bedtime can significantly improve sleep quality and overall well-being. Utilise Technology for Learning: Not all screen time is detrimental. Encouraging the use of digital tools for educational purposes, such as online courses (e.g., Khan Academy, Coursera) and research platforms, helps foster a love for learning beyond the classroom while keeping screen time purposeful. Model Healthy Technology Use: Children often mimic their parents' behaviours, making it essential for adults to demonstrate balanced screen habits. Engaging in outdoor activities, reading, and family discussions instead of excessive screen time help reinforce positive behaviour in teens. Striking the Right Balance  Screens are an unavoidable part of modern life, but finding a healthy balance is essential for academic success and overall well-being. By setting boundaries, fostering open discussions, and promoting alternative activities, parents and educators can help students navigate the digital world responsibly. When teens develop self-regulation skills and prioritise their responsibilities over distractions, they are better equipped to succeed in school and maintain their mental and physical health. Encouraging balance does not mean eliminating screens altogether, but rather using them mindfully to enhance learning and personal development.

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Learn how to manage screen time effectively while ensuring academic success. Tips for teens and parents to strike the perfect balance.

In the wake of the mid-year exams, there is much that parents and students can learn from their results, which should be used to consider the way forward, an education expert says. “I was fortunate to have one child who was very diligent as a scholar, starting to study way ahead of the exams, even from the lower grades, using her midterm break to study year after year. She never had to be asked to go and study and her study breaks were actual breaks from studying,” says Mignonne Gerli, Principal: Abbotts College Pretoria East. “This was not true for all my children. Another of my children thought that studying the day before the exam would do just fine. I remember always catching this child on a study break or as she had just finished studying. I can confidently say that I never, in five years, caught her studying. You can imagine the fights and stress (felt by me) during this time.” As parents, we know how important it is to achieve good results at school. Prior to Grade 11 and 12, students already need to have developed a mature and diligent work ethic. “We know which doors can be opened and which firmly shut, based on your school results,” says Gerli. “For this reason, we fight the good fight which means that exam periods can be extremely stressful and highly unpleasant in many households. We try various methods to cajole our less than diligent children to put effort into their studies and in some cases loathe the day that the reports are published.” Whether exam time is a breeze for you as a parent, with your model child, or absolute hell, with your sweet/funny/kind but less committed child, the end of the exams and results need to be reflected upon. And for those who suffered through the past exams, it is time to come up with different strategies for the next set of exams. “Reflection for those who appear to prepare well for exams, will take the form of considering whether their study methods were effective or if they need help with the way in which they study.” “During these exams, I watched my one granddaughter study. “Not once did I catch her on a break on the days she was with us. What I also noticed was that she studies by copying out the textbook, not something that can be remedied when she is shoulder deep into the exams. This is not an effective way to study and she will definitely need to be taught better study methods in preparation for her next exams.” What have you as a parent noticed about your child’s study methods? Can you assist or will you need a professional to help with better study methods? “Students who achieved excellent results for their exams can reflect on why they did so well and how they can build on this going forward. “The students who put little to no effort into their preparation for the exams, will need guidance and assistance from their parents to try remedy their approach to their work. There needs to be an open, calm discussion about why they did not study for the exams and what would motivate them to study and put effort into their preparation for their next exam session.” Approaches could include: Negative consequences for poor effort, such as having their phones taken away for a period of time, grounding them or taking away certain privileges. Offering a reward for effort, this may be in the form of a cash incentive for improved results or achieving a certain mark per subject, it could be purchasing them something they would like, it could be additional privileges. Reasoning with them, explaining the importance of developing a mature work ethic and achieving good results. This is something teenagers struggle to fully comprehend so some true-life examples of success and failure of family members and friends, when it comes to financial and career success, may be useful here. Go through university courses they may be interested in with them and show them what is required to qualify for the courses. I have found that many teenagers have no idea what is required to gain access to a career they wish to pursue. A reality check is sometimes all they need. Help them think about their future and what they want to achieve in life. It needs to be concrete as having a goal is a great motivator for hard work. Usually, it is the students who have no real vision for their future and what they would like to achieve who struggle to motivate themselves to study. They simply don’t get why it’s important and of value.  “Exam time can be very stressful, but taking some time to consider how to make the next exam session less so, and working towards establishing a positive trajectory, can make all the difference for the future,” says Gerli.

Discover expert insights from a principal on fostering resilience and endurance in your child, helping them navigate challenges and thrive academically.

Resilience, the ability to bounce back from challenges and adapt in the face of adversity, is a critical skill for teenagers navigating the complexities of modern life. As parents, your role in fostering resilience can profoundly influence your child's ability to manage stress, overcome obstacles, and thrive both academically and personally. From an educator's perspective, here are key strategies to help build resilience in your teenager. 1. Encourage a Growth Mindset A growth mindset, the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, is foundational to resilience. Praise your teenager for their effort rather than innate ability. For instance, instead of saying, "You're so smart," try, "I'm impressed by how hard you worked on this." This shift encourages persistence and a willingness to embrace challenges. 2. Foster Strong Relationships Supportive relationships are crucial for building resilience. Encourage your teenager to build and maintain healthy relationships with peers, family members, and mentors. Spend quality time together as a family, engage in open communication, and create an environment where your teenager feels safe to express their feelings and experiences. 3. Teach Problem-Solving Skills Equip your teenager with problem-solving skills to manage difficulties independently. When they face a challenge, guide them through the process of identifying the problem, brainstorming potential solutions, evaluating the pros and cons of each option, and implementing a plan of action. This practice not only builds resilience but also instils a sense of competence and confidence. 4. Promote Self-Care and Healthy Habits A healthy body supports a resilient mind. Encourage your teenager to adopt regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep. Discuss the importance of relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or even simple hobbies that they enjoy. Prioritising self-care helps teenagers manage stress and maintain emotional balance. 5. Model Resilient Behaviour Children often learn by observing their parents. Demonstrate resilient behaviour in your own life. Share your experiences of overcoming difficulties, discuss the emotions involved, and explain how you managed to navigate the tough times. Your teenager will learn valuable lessons about resilience through your example. 6. Encourage Independence and Responsibility Allow your teenager to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and make their own decisions. This autonomy fosters a sense of control and competence. Please encourage them to set personal goals and take steps towards achieving them. Please support them in facing the natural consequences of their choices, as these experiences are crucial for learning and growth. 7. Provide a Safe Environment to Fail Failure is an inevitable part of life and a powerful teacher. Create an environment where failure is seen as a learning opportunity rather than a disaster. Encourage your teenager to take risks and try new things, reassuring them that it is okay to fail and that you are there to support them in learning from these experiences. 8. Develop Emotional Literacy Help your teenager develop emotional literacy, the ability to recognise, understand, and manage their emotions. Engage in conversations about feelings, encourage them to articulate their emotions, and validate their experiences. Teaching them techniques for managing negative emotions, such as deep breathing or journaling, can also be beneficial. 9. Set Realistic Expectations Set realistic and achievable expectations for your teenager. Unrealistic expectations can lead to excessive stress and a sense of failure. Please work with your teenager to set attainable goals and celebrate their progress. This approach fosters a sense of achievement and motivates them to keep moving forward despite setbacks. 10. Seek Professional Support When Needed Parents must identify when their child needs professional help. If your teenager is struggling with significant stress, anxiety, or depression, do not hesitate to seek support from school counsellors, therapists, or other mental health professionals. Early intervention can make a substantial difference in their ability to build and maintain resilience. Building resilience is a journey, not a destination. By employing these strategies, you can support your teenager in developing the skills and mindset needed to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and strength. As educators, we see firsthand the positive impact of resilience on students’ well-being and success, and we are committed to partnering with you in nurturing resilient, capable young adults.

Explore how South African schools use restorative practices to foster discipline, academic success, and a stronger community.

Is your child struggling at school? Discover when and how to consider changing schools to find the best fit for their academic and emotional needs.

Discover expert insights from a principal on fostering resilience and endurance in your child, helping them navigate challenges and thrive academically.