Is COVID 19 Causing People To Miss Out On Once-In-A-Lifetime Moments?
Khumo Aphane (Registered Psychological Counsellor) • August 17, 2020
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“Nostalgia has made its home in our hearts, hopefully not indefinitely.”
COVID-19 had fundamentally changed the way in which we view and live our lives. It has led us to worry about our parents, children, jobs and our very lives. No one could have predicted that COVID-19 would affect so many people, ultimately resulting in countries being forced to lockdown, and shut down schools and public places. It took us all by surprise and has affected so many lives worldwide. We did not anticipate that we would have to be taking such precautionary measures to help prevent the spread of this virus. There have been many inevitable issues that have come up for some families to date; such as living in toxic environments at home, coping with anxiety, depression and other issues that are making social distancing extremely difficult. And amidst all this chaos, we cannot deny the fact that we are being forced to recognize the thread and weight of humanity that connects us all. We can now closely understand other people’s pain and suffering because we know how it feels. We are invited to ‘empathize’ with those who have lost their homes, jobs, and to mourn our commonly shared experiences, rituals and ceremonies. The Nostalgia has made its home in our hearts, hopefully not indefinitely.
“It had to become priority to put the COVID-19 social-distancing policies and practices in place in order to curtail the spread of the pandemic.”
The loss of family and friends from the virus and the effects the pandemic and lockdown on one’s economic wellbeing has been devastating. This health crisis compounds stress and anxiety, and many have experienced severe side-effects in the face of isolation from normal social life. It had to become priority to put the COVID-19 social-distancing policies and practices in place in order to curtail the spread of the pandemic. This, however, has meant that large gatherings (theatres, beaches, sports, weddings, graduations and many more) have had to either close, or adhere to very strict social-distancing procedures (guided by the various levels of the lockdown). Leaving many, particularly the elderly, much more hesitant to travel or go far from their homes. It is a known fact that milestone celebrations across the globe take a lot of planning and consideration; be it a birthday party, anniversary celebration or a wedding. The anxiety and panic of one’s event falling within the period of the COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t only affect the people celebrating the event, but the planners and caterers as well who have had their bitter experience from the start of the lockdown.
Events such as sports have been a major contributor to social development and to a country’s economy from decades past. They have served not only as just a ‘sport’, but have also encouraged physical activity by promoting and enhancing health and social inclusion. Social and physical distancing has disrupted this experience and many other regular aspects of life. Other social rituals such as weddings, funerals, births and many others have been unifying moments shared across South African cultures and families. Pre-COVID-19, there were many other rituals that are remembered by societies, communities, churches and families today. Events such as graduation ceremonies, Matric dances, the bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, baptisms. These are ceremonies and events that give weight to our communal and shared humanity. Having these stripped off from our common practices has torn into something very special between groups, religions and organisations.
The uncertainty of having celebrations while there is the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak and choosing whether to cancel, postpone or rather to wait for the pandemic to clear has become a dilemma of the century. Weddings in particular, have been downsized, postponed or cancelled. This has and continues to add to our experience different kinds of grief: Grief for the lost rhythms of daily life; such as going to work (gathering for meetings), travelling across cities and provinces, physical contact, and finally, we grieve our ever so loved and enjoyable social rituals that remain the epitome of societal traditions and customs.
“What then can we do at a time when we can’t gather?”
Doing without rituals, celebrations and events has the potential to leave individuals with possible guilt, trying to fill a void, and feeling disconnected from others. It impacts us all differently. Some more than most, depending on circumstances and personal resiliency. While the fight against the spread of the COVID-19 pandemic continues, we need to embrace and create practical ways of turning our experience into an opportunity, making meaningful moments that can hopefully soften the blow of missing our milestone once-in-a-lifetime events. So, what then can we do at a time when we can’t gather?
There have been so many individuals who have decided on rather going ahead with their plans, despite their inevitable challenge of dreading to plan during a COVID-19 pandemic. An alternative option is to host an online ceremony, and this has been spreading like wildfire. Families and couples are deciding to, instead of postponing ceremonies and prayer meetings, rather host these events on a digital platform. Although one can mention several disadvantages for such a choice, it is only right to highlight the unifying spirit that such a platform has offered for connecting and witnessing.
“We need to implore strategies of coping better during this time”
Since this pandemic will still be with us for a while, we need to implore strategies of coping better during this time. How we respond in the coming weeks and months has the potential to change and shape society as we know it- there will be a huge difference in the way this entire experience is remembered and, hopefully, how we see others and ourselves if we all participate and do our part.
As the education system learns to cope with this crisis, we know that part of their response objective is to negate the negative impact that this pandemic may have on learning and schooling. We hope to come out of this with a stronger and deeper sense of a shared humanity. We must continue practicing self-care, working on our inner selves, healing, developing, growing, and loving ourselves and others through the crisis.
I end by reflecting on the captivating words by Kitty O’Meara as an envisaged ending of our experience.
”And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”
~Kitty O'Meara
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Reference List:
- Bas, D., Martin, M., Pollack, C & Venne, R. (2020). The impact of COVID-19 on sport, physical activity and well-being and its effects on social development. United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, (73).
- Fetters, A. (2020). The Pandemic’s Long-Lasting Effects on Weddings: Even after big parties are safe, smaller, intimate ceremonies are likely to persist. Unchartered.
- Timsit, A. (2020). Coronavirus is causing people to miss once-in-a-lifetime moments. Irreplaceable.
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As the preliminary and final examinations approach, both students and parents or guardians often experience heightened anxiety and stress. This guide provides practical strategies to help parents and guardians support their children through this critical phase of their academic journey. 1. Foster Effective Organization Create an environment conducive to studying by providing a quiet, well-lit study space equipped with essential stationery. Collaborate with your child to develop a structured study timetable to set clear expectations and promote disciplined preparation. Encourage the use of resources such as past question papers, which serve as valuable tools for revision and practice. 2. Maintain Daily Check-Ins Schedule regular, intentional conversations, such as during dinner, to discuss your child’s progress. Inquire about their experience with the day’s examination paper, adherence to their study schedule, and their feelings about upcoming tests. These check-ins foster open communication and allow you to gauge their emotional and academic state. 3. Minimize Distractions Help your child stay focused by keeping electronic devices like phones, tablets, and gaming consoles out of reach during study sessions. Set boundaries on screen time and social media access to prevent procrastination. While challenging, limiting Wi-Fi access during study hours can significantly enhance productivity. 4. Support Emotional Awareness Encourage your child to identify and articulate their emotions, such as anxiety, stress, or fatigue . Recognizing these feelings is the first step toward addressing them effectively. Discuss coping strategies to help them navigate emotional challenges during this period. 5. Teach Self-Regulation Techniques Guide your child in practicing self-regulation to manage stress. Techniques include: Breathing Exercises : Inhale deeply for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and repeat. Sensory Focus : Identify five things they can see or hear to ground themselves in the moment. Tactile Stimulation : Hold a cold object to shift focus and reduce anxiety. These methods can help your child regain calm and focus during stressful moments. 6. Promote a Balanced Routine Prolonged study sessions late into the night can lead to burnout. Monitor your child’s study habits and encourage breaks to maintain balance. Plan activities such as outings with friends, a family meal, or short recreational periods with access to devices. Engaging in non-academic activities, like helping prepare dinner, can provide a refreshing change of focus. 7. Prioritize Self-Care Support your child’s well-being by ensuring they: Eat nutritious, regular meals. Get at least eight hours of sleep by limiting screen time before bed. Engage in physical activities such as walking, jogging, yoga, dancing, or gym workouts. These practices help alleviate stress and anxiety, which are common during examination periods. 8. Practice Empathy and Patience The examination period can be emotionally taxing for both students and parents. Approach your child with empathy, actively listening and offering guidance without criticism. This fosters a supportive environment, bolstering their mental health and sense of inclusion. By implementing these strategies, parents and guardians can play a pivotal role in helping their children navigate the challenges of examinations with confidence and resilience. Good luck to all the Grade 12 students with the upcoming examinations - you most certainly can do it!
